I imagine this would be even cooler if I spoke French. (Thanks Wooster Collective.)

SI was right to sent Joe Posnanski to South Africa (even if it appears as though he wrote this after he returned home). 

“I may leave tomorrow,” Maradona said when it ended — leave meaning quit — and then he refocused and said he would have to think about it first, talk with people, wait for the sting and the sorrow to fade. Only it isn’t likely to fade soon. El Diego came to South Africa to become a hero again. He leaves instead with a $46 million Italian tax bill (at least according to the Italian government), heaps of newspaper clippings saying he failed, two decorative FIFA soccer balls and a profound sadness that he says is as deep as when he stopped playing soccer in the first place. It will be tough to get all that through customs.

 

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa — Going to the 2010 FIFA World Cup was supposed to be scary. Tourists venturing to the country could expect to be gouged, either by the inflated price of goods or quite literally by the knives of the country’s denizens of thieves.

The truth on the ground is a bit different.            

"I feel perfectly secure," Jay, who traveled from America, said outside the United States-Slovenia match on Friday. "[There are] tons of cops. I was worried a little bit when we first came here, but after walking around a little bit, they shut the place down."

Crime still exists, but it’s no worse than one might expect when 450,000 tourists descend upon a nation. The difference is that while a robbery occurring during the 2006 World Cup in Germany was seen as a random act, a similar situation in South Africa symbolizes a systemic failure of security. This is the price a country pays for having a deservedly bad safety record.

The World Cup organizers promised to keep visitors from harm’s way, and they trained 45,000 additional security forces to help. Despite a protest over pay, the plan is working. Additionally, most crime in South Africa occurs between downtrodden residents of the city’s slums. Visitors who know where and, more importantly, where not to go should be fine.

The frightening reality, however, is never far away. Get lost after leaving a restaurant on 7th street in Melville, Johannesburg’s five-block-long answer to Smith St. in Carroll Gardens only with guys who will watch your parked car for a small fee, and you rapidly find yourself in Christopher Nolan’s Gotham. Residents huddle around trash fires, loitering in front of burned out buildings located on abandoned streets. This is horror story South Africa. 

Fans, however, can avoid these areas with a smart driver and/or an updated GPS system. (Many roads are so new they don’t show up on maps. And don’t even bother asking for directions: “You just have to make sure you ask five people,” Jay said. “You put it together and eventually you get the right answer.”)

Tourists see an occasional “Hijacking Hotspot” sign on routes to matches held in stadiums such as Rustenburg that lie outside of major metropolitan areas, but these warnings are only vaguely intimidating in the light of day. (At night, driving on these narrow, frequently unlit roads requires an act of faith, bravery, or stupidity.)

Near matches, local residents solve problems for a nominal charge.

"We drove the to the United States-England game and tried to find an official park and ride but it was really far away," American Patrick Greely said. "We parked in someone’s yard for 100 rand [roughly $13]."

The highlight of the World Cup is the soccer and getting into a game isn’t difficult. FIFA, international soccer’s organizing body, attempted to limit scalping by putting the buyer’s name on the ticket and claiming they would check ids at the gate. They don’t, and you can find tickets for almost any match.

"We’re staying at the hostel and there’s quite a few on the board to sell." Francisco Rios said. "People told us that there were tickets for the opening match on the street the day before."

Tuesday night, South Africa’s national team — nicknamed Bafana Bafana — were bounced from the tournament despite beating France 2-1. The country, which stopped during the squad’s games, can now focus 100 percent on finishing its hosting duties successfully.

Rios, traveling with his teenage son Stephen, enjoys the atmosphere, but is glad one member of his family remained behind.

"I feel safe here," he said. "But I don’t know if my wife would feel the same way." 

My favorite Bob Bradley quote.

"When you get tested, you always want to believe that when the wind is blowing around you, that you won’t change who you are and what you’re all about. And actually, I’ve been through that situation enough times that I feel pretty good about that and always will, so I haven’t spent any time worrying about that."

Um, what?

For Roy. So long and thanks for all the food.

He really is a genius

Paraguay: Proud member of the small group of South American nations not famous for either A) Being Brazil or B) Having a long history of insane drug-related violence. Way to not stand out, Paraguay.

United States v England

Six Quick Observations

U.S. Shoots And Scores From Distance

Tim Howard Happy To Switch Focus To Slovenia

Sunil Gulati - “It’s A Good Start”

Winner And Losers: U.S.-England

The National Anthem (video)

Shameless self-promotion paused until further notice.

Look, I took some pictures.

Things I Learned...

…About Dubai 

It’s not Abu Dhabi.

There are seven Emirates that united into one country.

Running a red light will get you a $1,500 fine, you’ll lose your license for two months, and have your car impounded.

Standard dowry is $25,000 and a house.

If a man marries a non-citizen woman, she gains citizenship (job, free health care, free education). If a woman marries a non-citizen man, she loses all her rights.

It “would be a very big problem” for me to see the pool at the Atlantis because I’m not a guest.

…About South Africa

Electric switches need to be turned on to work.

I look enough like Jeremy Forsythe for the World Cup ticket people to look at his passport, look at me, and hand me 12 tickets.

N4 will get you to Rustenburg. From there, “follow the flags to Royal Bafokeng Stadium.”

My computer does not recognize my modem.

Win a soccer game by more than five points and you lose, Ottawa league says →

Geoffo and I would not have done well with this rule when we were coaching our dominant youth soccer team.

I continue to think we should just abolish the regular season; it’s clearly irrelevant.